Love is trying to destroy an allure so that someone lost will return. The battle begins: the Word, nightly prayer, destroying Satan's illusions in music and lifestyle, driving away temptations, shutting down, forcing it away... away... away, blocking it, trying hard to rise mightier for conviction. Indeed, anything that pulls that someone away - DESTROY!
Anyone who has lost a sibling or child to the world may understand the feeling of loss, the broken family bond, the sorrow that Satan has come between, the hurt and avoidance towards the hurt which is mistaken for contempt, the feeling of failure (as a parent), and you often wonder what went on in the minds of the lost.
As I have been sorting and cleaning through stuff, I have come across former treasures of some "long-lost" and loved siblings. And perhaps it was wrong, somehow, but I read through some of their writings - their private sorrows and griefs. I began to understand, to love them more. Yes, I knew that two of three abandoned kittens died after respiratory illnesses, but little did I know the pain, the despair, the anguish that the death of those little kittens caused to someone who cared solely and completely for them.
I saw that feelings of inadequacy ruled and was shocked to know that they had the same feelings that I had had at one point in time. Yet, just as no one had ever guessed of me, neither would I have guessed the same of them. It was only through the help of a friend that I began to see that I was loved, even though it was not shown in emotional terms. I began to understand how the inadequate feelings resulted in turning to the world where there seemed to be a purpose - an uncommonly strong thread of physical love, an illusion created by the world.
From then on, I could only feel love. Love to those who felt there was none, and love towards those who gave (give), but felt (feel) worthless. And I realized that even the most outwardly splendid personalities, have many moments of insecurity and worthlessness.
My mission is showing itself. Trying to instill thoughts of good towards others, instead of believing all are out to hurt you (and therefore, giving the means to justify your actions) in younger siblings. Trying to be a role model. Battling through prayer that those may see the error of their ways.
And finally, I have gone on a war of words. I must undermine and destroy the allurements that are causing lost ones to stray further and further from the narrow way. Every single piece of deviltry is picked away in righteously angry words - carefully thought out and meticulously recorded.
Satan cannot win!!
How to combat low self-esteem: Always be willing to bolster other people's moments. It will make you feel better that you did something positive. It works for me and makes me a better person to think of others.
How to forget about suicide: Remember that you are loved. Even if someone may not show it, you are loved. Remind yourself that killing yourself is sin, and that you will end up in hell if you do it, even if you have lived your whole life as a true Christian. What put a stop to my thinking about it as well was to remind myself that I am just too chicken to even do it.
